Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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