I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
