Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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