is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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