last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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