Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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