with your own penis?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
