Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
