On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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