im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
