he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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