hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
