we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
