My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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