i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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