I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
