Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
