I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
