We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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