i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
