I want to make a zoo with you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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