For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
