I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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