thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
