I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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