Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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