i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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