does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
