my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
