Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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