whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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