the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
