but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
