Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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