I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
only you would photoshop your dick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
