woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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