I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
