I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
