Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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