one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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