I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
