Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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