Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
