Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
