My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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