woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
