I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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