Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
