HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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