End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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