Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
