I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Randomize
