So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
